Prolifically Raw

Saturday, April 02, 2005

The Disney Version of Life

I'm on the bike, taking a slow pedal through the manicured blocks of one of the most coveted neighborhoods in Portland. It's so pristine here, it's a little worrisome. I can almost delude myself into thinking that these pretty houses with their pretty flowers hold happy pretty people leading happy pretty lives.

Ahead of me is a young woman walking a dog and I think, "I know her." I pedal past and do a casual look over, which isn't so casual since she looks up and catches me. Yes, I do know her.

I stop the bike and get that wild feeling inside about how I just knew it. What makes it wilder is how I haven't seen this person in years and yet, here she is.

We start up a conversation, catching up on life and you know what came up as the first topic of conversation? MEN. We talked about hers, we talked about mine, we talked about men from our past, we talked about men in our future. It was men, men, men. ALL ABOUT MEN.

When the man conversation had been exhausted (but not before she reassured me that soon, I'd find a great guy) we talked about...ourselves.

She is writing a novel She is achieving an MFA in writing. These accomplishment are what we talked about LAST.

I parted with my freind thinking...why did we talk about ourselves last? Why did we talk about men for so long? Why did she say "hang in there, you'll find a great guy?" Did I look like I needed a guy? Am I incomplete without one? If I do meet some great guy, is this where the scene fades to a sunset and it's all peace and happiness?

Don't be confused. This isn't really about men. I love men. Being in a relationship with a man is lovely and healthy. Men are divine beings. But it's perplexing? Why is the story about the men in our lives more interesting than anything else? Why are men so important to us anyway?

We don�t have to ask the Chinese this question; they make it very clear that men are the most important members of the species. That�s why all their daughters are in orphanages or adopted out around the world. There is already a clear sign that this shortsighted mentality is going to leave China in a world of hurt; after all, who is going to marry these boys if there are no girls around?

We are not so very different here in America. Sure, we love our daughters and would NEVER do such a thing, after all, we are enlightened right? But, our daughters are watching us think, talk, tend and worry about men. They are watching us while we fuss over our weight and looks. They are watching a world where all the decisions made are made by men. The most popular videos out there, for our daughters, are by Disney and feature Barbie in the roles of various fairy tale women who live happily ever after with...you got it, a prince.

We are part of a culture where the emphasis has always been on having a man in order to be valid in some way and of course, there's also the drive to keep that man or if we lose him, get another. Oh sure, during our times of relationship transition we pretend that we don't need a man but deep down, are forming the image of that perfect man in our mind, hoping he'll be under the next rock we turn over. It's the whole Disney version of life. Prince Charming will come, sweep us off our feet and we'll live in a great castle without a care in the world.

Look at where this version of life has brought us.

We are at a time of human evolution where men make almost all the decisions about ...well, everything. Men are our heads of state, they are the majority in congress, they are the heads of all the corporations, the churches, the law, the education system, the media and of course, the military. In contrast, women are practically invisible. Who's the woman with all the power in our culture? Some men argue that women do have all the power, since they control sex and raise children, but again, who makes all the decisions that affect the world?

Think of it like this, we are like a huge giant and half of our body is paralyzed and ineffective. That paralyzed half is the feminine half, not just of women but of men as well. It�s psychology 101, every being has a masculine and a feminine component. Most of us are deeply asleep to this reality though and go around projecting on men (and woman). To know my masculine side, I think I need to find the right man. To know his feminine side, he thinks he needs the right woman. The truth is, we don�t need the perfect relationship with another. We need the perfect relationship with ourselves, which starts with understanding that we contain both masculine and feminine components. Beyond that, we need to recognize that the feminine aspect of all of us is in a state of catatonia.

Pull the newspaper out and look at the headlines. If the feminine were awake, we would not be killing people all over this planet for oil. George Bush would not be our president. We would be horrified by the concept of manifest destiny. We wouldn't be cutting funding for schools. We wouldn't be pillaging the planet of its resources faster than a kid cuts through his Christmas gifts. We wouldn't allow priests to molest followers. We wouldn't allow kids to pick up guns and shoot each other. We wouldn't deprive a woman of contraception and make her have a baby she can�t take care of. I cannot believe the feminine side, of all of us, would allow the hell of world that we are currently living in. I actually believe the feminine side of all of us is sick of the way things are going and deep down, feels like her head is about to explode off but what really she really needs to do is WAKE UP and get to work.

So, here I am writing about her and what I guess I am really doing is writing about myself and you all of us. Do we really know the powerful woman who lives inside of us? Is she awake or is she still in a deep frozen hibernation thinking that if the right man comes along, everything will just be dandy?

I have to believe that it doesn�t all begin and end with �the man.� I have to believe that men are probably a little worn out (and humiliated) by being the ones in charge. I have to believe that they are tired of being the center of attention too. I also have to believe that a powerful feminine presence is about to wake up, in all of us. Last, I have to believe that today�s conversation with my old friend is part of that wake up call and that I am writing about this right now in order to stop beginning my conversations with the status of my relationship with a man.

It�s going to be a hard habit to break. We are living in a man�s world, after all, but I remind myself that every man came through the womb of a woman. So in the end, it doesn�t really begin with a man but rather, with a woman!