Prolifically Raw: Looking for Perfection

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Looking for Perfection

I�ve heard my teacher say this, more than once:

It is very hard to see a pure reality if you don�t cultivate the eyes to see it.

I have this phrase taped on my door, so I see it when I walk out of my house and into the world. I want, so much, to see this pure reality but what I see out my door is not so pure�or so I think. It is concrete under my feet, it is cars going this way and that way, it is people who are busy, me being busy, train whistles and furrowed brows.

My teacher says: see God in everything and everyone. See purity. Train the eyes.

I been training my eyes for quite some time.

I�ve been told and this is apparently provable via physics, that the reality in front of my eyes, isn�t actual reality. What I see is the result of what was. I am not seeing what is or what will be. To see what is and to accept it as reality is to doom me to having nothing more than the same.

This is so tricky of a trick for my mind to unwind. Think, think, think, I am in circles with this one like a dog chasing the tail.

I am dizzy.

I have been dizzy for quite some time.

I am thinking it is not the mind who knows the truth though. I am thinking the mind is a shameless hussy, comedian, whiner, judge, critic and manipulator. The mind is no more than a muscle that is apparently, the easiest muscle to tone. Ever notice how easy it is to change your mind. Ever notice how quickly you can fall in (and out) of love, hate, desire, greed, hunger? The mind, the mind, the crazy trickster�the mind. Love the mind. Hate the mind. Train the mind to hush up already, just long eough to hear the whisper of the heart.

Ah, the heart.

I am thinking the heart is the one to watch.

Through the eye of my heart, there is a breaking kind of brilliance that is putting me close to tears at all moments that I remember to look out its window. This heart of mine sees, and better yet, feels, the pure reality all the great avatars talk about. When this heart sees and feels, it�s so heartbreakingly beautiful. This heart shows how all things and beings are connected and how this heart is not picky about its love. There is so much love the idea of anything less is just silly.

I am on my knees with what my heart sees.

I am without time or words or even explanation.

I feel as if I am getting closer and closer to that great place of the Tao that says: He who knows does not speak. He who speaks does not know.

I am running out of words.