Prolifically Raw: Windy Days & Advice on Memoir

Monday, December 13, 2004

Windy Days & Advice on Memoir

May these words be helpful to all who read them!

The wind blows so hard that the red oak outside my window looks as if it is going to tip over. It�s top branches wave together in one huge gesture as if saying, �go north, go north!� There is a stand of juniper bushes just below that oak, planted in a tidy row to allow my neighbor a little backyard privacy. In the wind, those bushes remind me of crowd of sturdy but worried refugees. They shiver together with each great burst and a few hunks of the top branches wiggle loose, looking like babies over the shoulders of their mothers.

When I went to take trash to the garage, I could barely get the gate open. I used both hands to pull the garage door open too and while I was doing that, the wind grabbed the pages in the recycle bin and sent them flying. I made it inside the garage, grabbing paper as I went, when the wind turned around and slammed the door hard behind me, making the garage shiver.

This wind is either playing a game or showing its fury, or both. Standing in it makes it clear I am nothing. It could snap trees, topple my house and break my body in half.

Humility blew me back into the house and to the keyboard. As I type, the wind sounds like a huge ocean wave rising around the house. It makes the lights flicker. I bet I lose power soon. I�ll write as fast as I can.

~~~~~

Lot�s of letters but I want to focus on one:

Dear Jennifer,

I actually received Still Waters as a present a while back. A family member heard of your book and decided I would benefit the most from your story. I read it twice in three days. I was so incredibly moved by it all. I didn�t even realize until a month later that Blackbird existed. I couldn�t get to the bookstore fast enough. I must be honest in saying I�ve probably read both books over a dozen times and lent them out to numerous friends of mine. That was over a year ago.

I�ve just spent the day re-reading Still Waters, and it still touches me the same way it did the very first time I cracked the cover.

To be a "survivor" as you are referred to in your book, is what I strive to be. If anything I wish I had this book a few years back. I�m obviously looked down upon as just a child by most, being only 22 years old. But I feel so many years older. I�ve kept so much pain and loneliness inside growing up. Even now my feelings are still locked in a room, the key I�ve yet to discover. I don�t want to drown this email with my upbringing and hardships. I just want to say thank you.

(I�m) Sitting alone in a room, and compulsively writing this email I say thank you to all you've done. Your words exude so much compassion and strength. More than I could ever find in a friend or family member. I seem to reach out more in writing than I do in my actions. The old saying "actions speak louder than words" has never rung true to me. So I was truly drawn to your stories. Not being able to entirely relate to your life, but enough to realize that if you can survive this life, than maybe I can to.

I�ve always kept a journal. I was never the girl who wrote silly nonsense about everyday stuff. I look back at previous entries to see depression, and stress, and sadness in my words. That makes me angrier than anything else. I don�t want to go on being bitter at life and what it�s thrown at me. I want to be able to take these emotions and put them to good use. So with the inspiration from your works, I�ve decided I want to become a writer. To be honest I feel things may be too late for me. I�m a working 22 year old with no college experience and a few years at a mortgage company and a marketing assistant under my belt. Not a whole lot of writing experience to brag about. I was never able to afford college, and besides my parents aren�t exactly the motivational type. "Get a job, make money, case closed."

No one ever told me to go find something I was passionate about. Something that made me happy, made me feel accomplished, made me feel worthwhile. But I�ve come to realize that you have to do it for yourself. And that�s what I�m going to do.

Ms. Lauck, you�ve been such an inspiration, that even words cant quite capture. I wish you luck in all your endeavors. Thank you for being the one to put your story out there for us all to share. You�ve touched a young woman�s heart and I hope to be able to pass on your compassion one day to others.

Thank You.

This letter is really something. 22 years old is young but according to the Buddhists, we�ve lived so many times that every human being on this planet has been our mother at least once. Western minds have a hard time with the enormity of a concept like this, we are so self absorbed, cynical and intellectual. So few of us accept the miraculous as part of life and so, don�t see the bigger picture of our existence. Still, if you can set aside what you think you know and wrap your mind around this idea, it�s intense. Everyone you meet has been your mother and you have been his or hers. Wild! Who knows, maybe you are a very old soul who is ready to make a significant change in the trajectory of your life (and the life of everyone you come in contact with). To do so at such a young age means you have a long life ahead to practice whatever path you choose. Good for you!

Let me recommend some books. On Writing, by Steven King, I recommend the end more than the beginning although his life story is entertaining. His advice on writing is invaluable (he will discuss your age as well, and offer great comfort for your decision). Read all of the work of Maya Angelou, the biographies of St. Augustine and a couple of classis memoirs, Liar�s Club and Angela�s Ashes. Last I would recommend Women of Wisdom, by Tsultrim Allione. As a young woman, having as many role models as possible is important and appropriate models are equally important. I�ll explain more in a moment about this last title.

If you want to be a writer, a great way to learn quickly is to work as an intern in a newsroom, either in TV news or a newspaper newsroom. It helps to be in school, studying journalism and very likely, you could get yourself into school, at least part time in order to be accepted as an intern. There are many grants out there, as well, to help fund your schooling and community colleges are great too. An education is an education, don�t be too quick to write one off. Most colleges have student newspapers and TV stations as well. Again, great places to learn some craft quickly.

This part of your letter really captured me:

I look back at previous entries (of my journal) to see depression, and stress, and sadness in my words. That makes me angrier than anything else. I don�t want to go on being bitter at life and what it�s thrown at me. I want to be able to take these emotions and put them to good use.

It takes tremendous wisdom to have this kind of insight, which is the reason I suggested Women of Wisdom. It may be you are both a writer and a person with a spiritual agenda. Read Women of Wisdom and see if this woman inspires some unique ideas to supplement your path.

You have found your way to this point in your life, where you know you don�t want to be bitter and the anger at your bitterness is forcing you to find another way. Perhaps you are on the way to realizing, through writing, that you can integrate the wisdom of your lived experiences now. See, we can�t really learn if we don�t have experiences. We can talk about fire, we can read about fire, but until we feel fire, we can�t know what it is. It�s the same with every other aspect of living. You have to go through many experiences in order to garner deep wisdom. It sounds like you have a few bits of gold in your pocket. Writing is a fine way to teach yourself the lessons of your life.

Surviving is just one part of life, teaching how we survived is the other and also the best part of great story telling. No story is convincing unless the teller has really lived her story and no story is really that interesting unless the person in the story has in some way, transcended the obstacles presented by life. It�s the hero�s journey. You were one way, life tossed you obstacles, you meet those obstacles and were changed into someone else. It�s the formula of writing and living.

It takes great courage to embrace the path you�ve started on. I am happy for you and hope you keep me posted on your travels!

~~~~~

Ah ha!! The wind still blows but the power remains on. I made it through this post, victorious!!

As I wrap up, the sky is wild with steel colored clouds and ribbons of golden sunlight reflect through the center. One bird is up in the windy sky. He floats for a while and then folds his wings back and dives. In a moment, he�s back up again to hang on the wind with his wings spread wide. That bird is alone and seems either brave or foolhardy, I can�t decide which yet but he reminds me that I am going off on my own adventure. I leave this week for a retreat in the mountains of Colorado. Brave or foolhardy? Maybe a little of both.

I�ll post again in Jan. 2005!

Happy holidays, peace and happiness to everyone.