Monday, November 29, 2004

One Less Car, Writing Advice & Your Letters

May these words be helpful to all who read them!

It�s getting cold here. The days are warm for a moment between frosty sunrises and misty sunsets. Yesterday, I got on my bike hoping to catch a bit of that warm moment and ended up getting stuck in a squall of icy rain. The pay off was a rainbow that fell from a huge bank of white clouds.

Riding my bike verses driving my car is a choice I made over the summer and while it�s not always easy, it�s brought me closer to the earth and her elements. If I were speeding around in my car, I�d probably never even notice a rainbow, let alone appreciate it.

My kids aren�t as enthralled by this decision, especially Spencer who isn�t much for exercise beyond wrestling or tickling. A bit of walking, even for Trick or Treat, has him dragging his feet. �I�m exhausted,� he�ll add for dramatic flair. Jo Jo�s more of a �go with the flow,� girl, which is easy since she�s most often in a stroller or the bike carrier, surrounded by her entourage of stuffed animals.

Moaning and groaning aside, I�m holding to my new transportation plan. We hear in the news that we are fighting �terrorism,� but I�m not a fool. All this fighting, killing and dying in the Middle East has more to do with oil than terrorism. If I train myself not to drive as much, I�m doing something. The other day I told Spencer he�s lucky we aren�t living in Holland. �They make their kids ride on little shelves attached to their bikes, year around,� I said. He did this eye roll thing that shows what adolescence will hold for both of us.

Oh well, I can�t always make my son happy but I am doing something good, I�m sure of it.

This week, I got a letter from an eleven-year-old girl who read Blackbird. My goodness, doesn�t that seem young? I can�t even imagine handing that book to an eleven year old but then again, it�s a wild world out there. Puberty comes to eleven year olds, doesn�t it? Speaking directly to her now, my hope is that Blackbird offers comfort and inspiration. Thank you for your letter and I hope your journey is paved with safety and love.

A few letters asked very specific questions about writing�here is one that sums them all up:

I just finished reading Blackbird and Still Waters. I am amazed at your ability to tell the story so well. The perspective is genius.

It seems so easy, after reading those books, to just sit down and recount your life. But it�s not easy. I�ve tried so many times. Where do you start? How do you start? How do you decide what to leave out and what to tell? And all those details throughout�I am sure it involves a lot of research and crumpled pages.

Were you worried how it would be received? What made you decide to write the memoir in the first place? Did you ever wonder if people would even care to read about you? Did you have an audience in mind, or did you just write it and put it out there?

NO, I didn�t have a specific audience in mind. No, I didn�t even have high hopes for publishing. It�s virtually impossible to get published. Yes, I did wonder if anyone would care. In fact, an agent who rejected my book wrote that no one would. Unless you are famous, no one cares about you, he wrote.

I put that guys letter on my wall and contemplated it for a long time. He was wrong. This is very important to know about publishing. Agents are not gods, neither are editors or publishers. They are people with opinions (some more educated and impartial than others). A great book to put this into perspective is Steven King�s, On Writing. The last section, which is actually about writing and publishing was a great source of information. Another good book is The Shortest Distance Between You and a Published Book. Susan Page is the author.

The bottom line is that I was compelled to write and something in me, maybe intuition, suggested that I try to publish. Being so driven made me put my whole heart and mind into the attempt. Ask yourself if you are compelled to take the same path and see what answers come from inside. Act accordingly.

I chose the genre of memoir because I wanted to get to the truth. I didn�t want to waste my time with a lot of fictionalizing in order to make other people comfortable. Isn�t our entire life this kind of thing? How often do we truly talk about what�s going on within ourselves? More often we suppress our truth (or even the attempt to find the truth) in order to make others comfortable. We are good wives, mothers and daughters on the outside but inside, many of us are irritate humans who are so bound by the ties of �being good� that we have no access to all our wisdom. The worse possible outcome of this situation is that many amazing women medicate themselves with anti depressants or painkillers. This is a horrible loss for everyone.

The desire to explore truth is what started my journey. I needed to know the true story of my mother, not the version told to me by my family and the rest is history. I started at the beginning. I told everything that mattered and I edited it later.

I am still writing memoirs and this is why. When I write my life, I am learning who I am. I heard Ram Dass speak once and he recounted a story of his guru telling him that he (Ram Dass) came into this specific life to learn specific lessons. He said, �Ram Dass, you are here to learn, why don�t you take the curriculum?� I like this discussion. It�s true. What use was my life and my experiences when I was pretending they didn�t happen in order to live a life that looked �normal� and �perfect?� Perfect is nonsense. This life is imperfect and if I�m here, living it, I�m not going to waste my time.

Another way to say this is that life is a horrible gift. Suffering is going to be part of it but wisdom is also available. If you have the time and resources, if you have a good mind for thought and contemplation, and if you have a heart that is fair and kind, your life can be a tremendous reward for yourself and all you come in contact with. Writing is one way to put this all into perspective.

If you are drawn to write, write, but don�t be under the impression that it is easy. Writing, like life, is hard. It�s also something that takes tremendous discipline, focus and practice. Many writers will come to me, moaning about how they are blocked, but it turns out that they aren�t actually writing. What do they expect? If you want to run a marathon, do you go out and run a marathon without training? No. You run, a little every day, until you build strength and then you do more. Or you give up. It�s the same with writing. Write everyday, without question. Give yourself realistic deadlines too. If you think you can write a book on your life in a year, make it two years but then be diligent. Set a schedule and stick to it. If you get blocked, write this kind of thing: I am blocked, I am blocked, I am blocked, I am blocked, the day is sunny, I am fat, blah blah blah�whatever, just write and let your fingers warm up a little. If they are meant to come, words will come.

Last, I�d say to read as much as possible and imitate the story telling of other writers until you find your own voice. This technique is perfectly acceptable.

A woman wrote: I am a survivor of physical, sexual and mental abuse by my father. It
started when I was 10 and ended at 13. Just when I thought I was free I
began a long history of depression and suicide attempts. I am now 34,
happily married to a wonderful man who has accepted me for who I am and I
couldn't be healthier in all aspects. I have come to a point in my writing that I
have to start talking about the abuse and so I froze, .....have decided to
take a break and will resume after the New Year.

In Don Juan, Carlo�s Castaneda says: �the trouble with you is that you think you have time.� We all put the matters of our hearts off �until later,� don�t we? The trouble is, we think we will have time later. Will we? What is most important? Will writing heal you and make your life the kind of life that will truly benefit others? If yes, why wait? If you are happy and realized, why write at all? Only you can answer these questions and I offer them for thought. It takes courage to tell your story, everyone who hears it gets a bit of your courage by association. Have courage my friend. This kind of writing isn�t for the meek, it take�s time, diligence and real compassion.

Since writing is the theme this week, I have one more thing to say. I see many memoirs out there that recount tragedy and do a great deal of finger pointing (my own books included) but I think truly successful story telling holds grains of insight that come from deep reflection. Each character in your story needs to be diverse. Show their failings and their positive qualities. Find this diversity for your allies, as well as your enemies, and put it on the page. The effort will serve your life and your story.

As writers, we have the burden to do more than the average person. We need to have the capacity to stand outside of our stories with impartiality, to expand our vision beyond �me,� against �them� and to bring forward what our experiences mean for the human story. This is very difficult. Most of us cannot rise beyond blame and being a victim or the other part of the equation, which is rage. It�s important to remember that everyone suffers. 50% of the women are sexually abused (in this country alone), there is violence and cruelty and abandonment everywhere. If, within our writing, we ask why this happening and what can be done, then our work transcends the typical memoir that is often little better than a tabloid article that makes the reader a voyeur on another�s tragedy.

Perhaps many of us are writing memoir, at this point in history, in order to wake up to the reality of suffering. I also wonder if there would be as much war, death, abuse and cruelty (especially to other women and children) if women were truly awake to what is happening. American women are a force that has yet to be mobilized, we are free and powerful and smart. Through our storytelling, perhaps we�ll come to know this about ourselves and do something with our freedom, power and intelligence that can make a profound shift in the world.

Maybe it�s like riding my bike instead of driving. One trip at a time can make a difference. One story written by one woman at a time can make a difference too. We�ll see.

Be happy and we�ll talk next week.

J.




This Article's Link


Visit She Writes